Why are my friends and family so weird?

I love my friends and family, honestly I do. But almost every single one of them irritates (or sometimes infuriates) me. Obviously, no one is perfect, not even me, but recently, I've become more aware of the flaws and foibles of those I love.

Maybe it's me -- maybe I'm becoming less tolerant and more crotchety. Or maybe it's the increasingly polarized and hostile environment we live in, especially as November 5 approaches. Or maybe they're all just weird. 

Now as you're reading this, don't try to figure out whether you (my beloved friend or family member) are one of those people to whom I am referring. Are you the one with whom I cannot discuss politics or religion? Are you the one who seems to "know it all" and loves the sound of his or her own voice? Are you and I constantly disagreeing on the most trivial of subjects? Do our conversations, messaging chains or social media exchanges nearly always result in a futile argument?

I've been making a conscious effort to be a better person -- not that I was a bad person previously. Perhaps it's the influence of Ethical Culture, as I've been attending meetings more frequently of late. As noted above, none of us are perfect, and there's always room for improvement. I believe that one is never too old to be open to new ideas and adjust one's attitude and behavior as warranted. 

I've come to realize that analyzing the faults of others is actually a useful exercise, and does not have to generate negativity. Even the act of writing this blogpost has inspired me to look inward, as well as outward. I will continue to examine, adjust, tolerate and reflect on the imperfections in both myself and others. As discussed in my previous blogpost, to do good is my religion, and I will strive to help and inspire others, and to spread love, not discord. 

Peace out.

Seeking spirituality and finding my religion

There's a spectrum in spirituality -- from Atheist to Agnostic; from Deist to Theist. People define spirituality and religion in different ways. For many, a deity must be involved, and there are degrees of religiosity -- from casual acceptance of a general theology (e.g. identifying as "Christian" but without attachment to one of the three main branches) to steadfast adherence to a specific dogma or denomination. I've written a few posts here that touch on religion: "Death - the dreaded D word", " You never know what you might find in the Bible", and "Identity." If you read those you will likely get some insight into my beliefs (or lack thereof) on such concepts as god/God, science and the supernatural.

I am among those who believe that a deity is not required for someone to be spiritual or even religious. Sometimes in trying to explain my beliefs to others I get bogged down with semantics. How do we define spirituality? How do we define religion? My take on it (and it's my blog so that's what counts here) is that we can all decide the definition that feels right for each of us. I generally tell people who ask (and it comes up more often than you might think) that my religion is Unitarian Universalist Ethical Culturist. I am a member of two fellowships: The Unitarian Church of Staten Island and the New York Society for Ethical Culture. They do not contradict each other in any meaningful way, only in style and expression.

In casual conversation with people who don't know me very well, I sometimes just for brevity's sake say I'm agnostic or not religious. Many of my family members are devoutly attached to a specific theology (Fundamentalist Christianity for the majority of the folks on my father's side of the family, and a few Reform Jews on my mother's). Neither of my parents were "religious" in the colloquial meaning of the word, but that's a conversation for another blog post.

But if I channel the spirit of Thomas Paine, I can (somewhat) confidently say that I am indeed religious. I am also a spiritual person, even though I don't believe in the supernatural. Paine said, "...to do good is my religion" and that is the way I try to live my life. I have explored various religions and continue to debate with myself the existence of a god or gods. But with 60+ years of life experience, I've come to understand that I don't have to answer the age-old questions -- does God exist and if so what does He want from me -- to practice my two religions of Unitarian Universalism and Ethical Culture. Not all members of my community consider Ethical Culture a religion, but again, that's really just semantics. Call it what you want, but ultimately, what matters to me is not what you believe but what you do. Deed before creed.

OH MY GOD! Intoxicating earworms and the seduction of music

 “OMG” by José Iglesias is one of my current earworms (you know, those songs that annoyingly get stuck in one’s head). Released in June, the song quickly hit the top of the Latin pop charts. For those of you who follow baseball, yes, I mean that José Iglesias. Exuberant and joyful, “OMG” has become the song of the summer for Mets fans like me. I don’t understand most of the lyrics (aside from the few English words, including the refrain, “Oh My God”), but I found the Spanish lyrics online and used Google to translate. Iglesias has been killing it on the field with amazing slugging and stellar defense – as of July 15th he had an OPS of .999 in 79 at bats – and now he’s a Latin pop star! He was even invited to sing at MLB’s Home Run Derby this year.

An earworm can be anything from a catchy pop tune to a rousing patriotic march to a serene and ethereal aria. If there are lyrics, it doesn’t matter whether it’s sung in a language I understand. I’ve studied French, Italian and German, and can understand a little bit of Spanish (similar enough to Italian), as well as some Yiddish and Dutch (both Germanic languages). But Helmut Lotti’s interpretation of the Russian National Anthem, and Shai Abramson’s rendition of “Eretz Tzvi” (in Hebrew) – sung in languages I don’t understand, whether written or auditory – fill me with delight at the musicality and passion with which they are performed by these extraordinary vocalists. The mood of the melody can range from the sublime – “Ombra mai fu” from Handel’s Serses – to the ridiculous – Snollebollekes’ “Links Rechts” (especially as danced to by the Orange Army in the streets of Berlin).

 

I cannot quite fathom the persistence of earworms in the brain – what they signify, what purpose they serve, or how to get rid of them. Mine play in my head like a mixtape on a loop, hopping from one song or orchestral piece to another, with seemingly little control from my conscious mind. Usually the only effective way to evict an earworm is to replace it with another. Then to YouTube I go, searching for a mesmerizing tune to kick out the old song and replace it with a new one, which will then play until my neurological needle spontaneously shifts to another melody, and then back again. As I am composing this blogpost right now, Cecilia Bartoli’s rendition of “Ombra mai fu” (see above) continues to play in my brain. If the largo of that aria becomes too sedating, I can up the ante (and the tempo) by switching to something jazzier, like “Daydream Believer” by the Monkeys or Paul Russell’s “Lil Boo Thang.” And though I’m neither British nor religious, mentally playing a patriotic hymn like “Jerusalem” or “I Vow to Thee, My Country” (particularly as intoned by Ramin Karimloo) is a sure way to elevate the mood.

 

I’ve previously written several posts about music, both here and on my other blog, “World War II…with a German accent.” For reasons I don’t fully comprehend, there is nearly always a soundtrack playing in my head, like some sort of cerebral tinnitus. It seems to have a mind of its own, so I think it’s best that I learn to live with it, and enjoy humming along.